THE HLF VISITS THE WTO!

In an attempt to raise consciousness regarding the plight of rodents worldwide, especially in underdeveloped countries wherein regulations regarding one particularly fiendish activities have not been created, the co-founders of the HLF (gair and Damond X) took time off from their administrative duties (those monthly reports would just have to wait) and travelled the hundreds of miles to Seattle, Washington, this week, joining thousands of protestors in the streets surrouding the downtown Seattle Convention Center.

As you are undoubtedly aware by now, the peaceful protests that were planned to surround the World Trade Organization meetings in Seattle on November 29-December 3, 1999, turned unmistakably unpeaceful. Damond and gair were caught up in the crowds and, in an effort for honesty and openness, we have documented their doings during their stay in Seattle:

Monday, 11/29

Arrived at Sea-Tac Airport just south of downtown Seattle at approximately 10 a.m. Took a taxi from the airport to an HLF safehouse (the location is undisclosed to preserve its anonymity) in Seattle; then took an HLF staff car to the downtown area. Spent afternoon canvassing area, reading the mood of the crowd, and spreading the HLF gospel. Was present for the assaults on WTO attendees &, as they tried to stop the violent assaults upon citizens who merely wanted to get to the meetings, received blasts of CS gas in the faces. Decided to make it an early night and spent the evening back at the safe house, flushing their eyes with cool water.

Tuesday, 11/30

Red-eyed from their encounter and from staying up all night making posters, gair and Damond X were downtown by 7 a.m.: gair was handing out literature supporting rodent rights and working the crowd while Damond X held signs and shouted pro-HLF slogans (like "Who Wants Rights? We Want Rights! Rodent Rights! Yeah! Yeah!" and "Rodent Rights are Right!"). Unfortunately, our two co-founders once again found themselves in the midst of the troubled areas of the protests and witnessed firsthand damage done to local businesses (Damond X thought the desecration of Starbuck's was particularly heinous, especially given that one of the looters was wearing a Starbuck's name badge). Self-proclaimed anarchists stood shoulder-to-shoulder with our intrepid HLF heroes and, thus, distracted attention from the carefully lettered signs and masterfully worded leaflets.

By noon, things were getting out of hand. Our intrepid heroes distributed $5 bills to the crowd (well, they only had 3 of 'em, but it's the thought that counts, right?) but still the press refused to do a story on our cause. However, they were not discouraged in the slightest. After lunching on lettuce and cheese, gair and Damond X went back to work. They climbed to the top of the large sign at Pike Place Market and reformed the letters to say "Support Rodents' Rights Worldwide." They hung biodegradeable banners from the traffic lights at the corner of Pike & Pine streets. They cornered the ABC reporter and gave him an exclusive interview. (Sadly, this same reporter was later caught in the gas attack on Pike Place Market and lost the entire story.) Damond X personally spoke to over 3,000 members of the press; yet the conspiracy continued to mount and the media focused on the stronger responses from the police staff. By 7 p.m., Damond X and gair had made their way to the Capitol Hill area and watched as over 200 police officers cleared the streets with the use of gas canisters, state patrol cars, "peacekeeper" (read that as "surplus military") vehicles, and a steady pounding of riot batons on shields. Damond X and gair returned to the safe house and vowed to get some attention during the next day.

Wednesday, 12/1/99

After the violence of the previous night (Damond X and gair had stayed pretty well out of it but saw lots of coverage on the local news channels, all of whom failed to mention the peaceful message of the HLF), the police were ready. Damond X and gair made it to the downtown area by 6:30 a.m. and were amazed by the numbers of people who were intent on making this a violent day. Our intrepid co-founders could not understand, as one HLF member put it, all of the "granola baby protesters with dreads running around trying to get gassed for the 'Cause, man! The cause!'"

Damond X and gair spent their morning in a manner similar to the previous 2 days, but they noted there were an awful lot of people who were dressed in police riot gear who were getting out of hand; this concerned both of them and they discussed it over a cheese pizza at lunch. As they were finishing their lunch (and, of course, leaving a 22% tip for the oppressed wait staff who served their meal--tips are, of course, the only way a typical food service wage slave can make ends meet, so do your part, people!), they noticed a small scuffle outside. As they exited the bistro, they were caught up in a swirling melee. It appeared as though a riot-clad police-type person was in the center of the group, spraying pepper gas indiscrimately, while various "anarchists" (we use that word in quotes because Damond X and gair talked with one of the crowd later and the guy said he was an anarchist but was hard pressed to answer why he was wearing a t-shirt that said "Gore for President") beat him about the head and shoulders. As Damond X and gair got closer to the person who was being attacked, they realized he was not a member of the police forces--his shoulder patch read "Seattle Police Destroyers"! This was, then, someone who was dressed like the police but whose intention was to discredit all police response! Shocked, Damond X and gair immediately sought to detain this imposter but were suddently slammed to the ground--the real Seattle Police Department had arrived to save the person who they thought was their compatriot. Quickly, the crowd dispersed and approximately 12 people from the melee (including Damond X and gair) were arrested for assault on a peace officer. (Incidently, gair looked up to see the fake officer slip back through the crowd, unrestrained by the police forces who had arrived en masse.)

During the next few hours, Damond X and gair were restrained, processed, photographed, and otherwise recorded and then transported via bus to a holding facility (a Winchell's had been commandeered by the police forces for this purpose). Even though they tried to explain their presence and who they were, they were not released; indeed, they were transported to the King County Jail with approximately 300 others on that day.

We shan't go into details about their stay in the jail; KCJ is notorious among the criminal element as an inhospitable place and they did not enjoy their sojourn. Damond X used his phone call to contact the local HLF branch to arrange for bail and gair used his phone call to call Dial-a-Joke (he hoped a little laughter would make him feel better; it didn't).

And so, Wednesday closed and turned into. . .

Thursday, 12/2/99

We are sure you have seen the video of the crowds surrounding the King County Jail on this date. The media has told you they were there to protest the detention of 580+ protestors and to ensure lawyers were allowed into the jail. What the press conveniently "forgot" to tell you is that the person who brought them there was none other than the HLF's own Che Hamstera.

Che's arrival on the steps on King County Jail was greeted with an overwhelming response. People cheered, tossed money, and fainted dead on the spot. The reclusive Che received the crowd's adulation with the utmost of grace and eventually gave such a powerful, impassioned, articulate, speech that even the administrators of KCJ came out to listen. In the end, it was Che who convinced the authorities to allow the lawyers in and to release Damond X and gair on the spot. While our two co-founders wanted to continue to support the protests and demonstrations, Che's presence overrode those concerns and they immediately went with him to the HLF safe house for debriefing. They spent the day talking with Che, receiving instructions, and regaling other HLF members with their tales. Long after the sun had set, Che, Damond X, and gair sat up, discussing the future of the HLF, how the HLF's goals do not coincide with the WTO's goals, and what moves would need to be made in the coming months.

Friday, 12/3/99

Pressing business at the HLF HQ demanded Damond X and gair return early Friday morning. Che left at the same time, although his destination was elsewhere--he had work to do. But the memories of the WTO and the work Damond X and gair did there will live on. They now realize the media conspiracy is complete and that they face new challenges in the weeks and months ahead. Never fear, however--the HLF will persevere.

VIVA LES RODENTS!

The Hamster Liberation Front
http://www.HamsterLiberationFront.com
"The World's Premiere Rodent Revolutionaries" (tm)