THE HLF UNCOVERS ANOTHER PLOT!

First, the Hamster Liberation Front made its presence known at the WTO conference in Seattle 

Then the HLF revealed evidence that proved the United States government has our terrorist group under surveillance.

Now they have uncovered a plot by unnamed persons and/or groups to slowly poison all of the rodents in the world.

WARNING: Those of you who do not believe such tales should not read any further.
(We wouldn't want to burst your self-satisfied bubbles.)

HLF scientists, working out of their sterile laboratories at HLF HQ, routinely analyze cheese samples from around the world. Most of these samples prove to be harmless (and, not coincidentally, quite tasty). It is impossible to describe their horror, then, when they discovered something amiss with a sample several weeks ago.

They immediately quarantined the entire batch of cheese (it was of the cheddar variety) and ran more tests on it. Those tests verified their earlier suspicions--the cheese was tainted with an unknown chemical. They quickly isolated the compound (a heretofore unknown combination) and reported their findings to the HLF Comradeship Council (HLFCC).

The HLFCC set out to learn what nefarious organization produced the cheese while the Rodent Relations group sent out warning messages to all of our local chapters. Within an hour our local chapters reported in that they, too, located samples of their local products that were contaminated, too. A press release was drafted, informing the media of the danger. . . and, yet, those articles were supressed in the media. TV outlets didn't cover it at all and the few print journals that quoted a small portion of the press release buried it in the back sections (generally within the personal ads for reasons we still don't understand). We generously donated untainted cheese from our storehouses to communities at need and rigorously tested all products in supermarkets.

WHAT PROOF DO YOU HAVE??

Aside from the analysis of the chemical compounds our scientists have performed, the HLFCC was able to uncover several documents that shed a little light on the situation. These documents are listed below:

1. The Blue Paper

This document was found in a dumpster-diving session at the Frontier Restaurant in Albuquerque, New Mexico. (Sometimes government agents from Los Alamos dine at the Frontier and discard their top-secret documents in the restaurant's dumpsters because they think no one would want to dive into a dumpster filled with greasy leftovers; they don't know the HLF very well.) We have named it the "Blue Paper" because it was written on the back of a blue foil wrapper that evidently once held a fish sandwich.

Although mustard stains obscure most of the notes, the words ". . . the rat takes the cheese. . ." are quite legible. This is ominous.

2. Agent A's Diagram

Found in a locked file cabinet in a real estate office in Knob Noster, Missouri, this document was thought to be a hoax. However, it was collected with assorted other papers and brought back to the local HLF safehouse. After our scientists took a look at it, they realized it was quite legitimate.

The writings reveal a chemical formula that resembles the identified contaminant (although the legend does not spell "sodium naproxinicide" correctly). This find made us realize the problem was larger than we first thought.

3. Secret Message on Wall

Our Gig Harbor, Washington, operative stopped in at the local truck stop in a urinary emergency and noted the following message on the stall wall: "For a good time, call Mickey!!" I think we all know what this means.

BUT WHAT WAS IT THAT TAINTED ALL OF THE CHEESE??

Our scientists have named the compound Rodencheesium 234. Its purpose, as far as we can ascertain, is to create sluggish and unalert rodents throughout the world. When introduced into an unsuspecting population, it produced lethargy and apathy (as compared to a control sample); oddly, it had the same effect as listening to a debate between Al Gore and George W. Bush.

For those of you with a bit more curiosity, the chemical compound looks like this:

IS THE U.S. GOVERNMENT INVOLVED IN THIS SCANDAL?

Unknown. There have been rumors going around for several weeks now of some sort of organized effort against us and, especially given the recent inquiries of the HLF by government agents, we are certainly suspicious. We will let you know if we learn anything else.

WHAT IS THE HLF GOING TO DO ABOUT THIS HORRIBLE THREAT??

Everything within our powers. We currently have our strike teams on full alert, searching for more clues. Our government moles are, even at this very moment, intercepting top secret documents to determine the level of the US government's involvement in this scandal.

More importantly, though, to all of the rodents worldwide, the HLF is making available cheese from its private reserves until local supplies can be tested and verified safe. By doing so, we can make sure rodents will still have access to cheese and, although rationing may be required, they will not be forced to do without OR, worse still, will not be forced to consume tainted products.

Do you know anything about this horrible deed? Have an idea who is behind it? Have you found any evidence? Write to the HLF and let us know! We'll publish your findings on a separate page (to be linked from this one). With your help, we can solve this mystery!

The Hamster Liberation Front
http://www.HamsterLiberationFront.com
"The World's Premiere Rodent Revolutionaries" (tm)