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THE HLF UNCOVERS ANOTHER GOVERNMENT PLOT! In the past few weeks, we have noticed an increase in the number of applicants at our local offices. There has appeared to be an increase in the number of rodents who proclaim themselves to be sympathetic to our cause and willing to assist in the struggle. While this is all well and good, the sudden rise is suspicious. There was a pattern, though... we noticed a lot of them were being dropped off about a block away from our offices by late-model sedans with blackwall tires and they all seemed to be limping. As the dutiful guardians of rodent safety, we decided to investigate. Under the pretext of a physical examination, we had Dr. Hamster go over each of them with a fine-toothed comb (literally--most of them were in need of some serious grooming). Then, as he was combing them, he looked and found signs of recent cranial surgery. When he inquired as to the reasons for the surgery, reactions were mixed. Some rodents denied anything and everything, some bolted for the exit, and others curled up in fetal positions. Intervention teams were called in and restrained all resisting rodents. Incisions were cleaned (they were infected--lousy government sawbones!) and exploratory surgery (with the rodents' permission, of course) was performed on several. What we found shocked even the most hardened rodential terrorists. Inside the rodents, wired to their very brains, we found microchips, GPS units, and wireless transmitters. Our tech teams have examined the components and determined it is possible for someone to thus monitor the position of the rodents in question, even to the point of sending audio and video signals back. Encryption is integral to the device along with a signal mask (designed to make the signals appear to be those sent off by traffic signals). In short, if we were any less thorough, skilled, or paranoid, we certainly could have missed these signs. We successfully deprogrammed the rodents in question, removed the devices, and escorted them to safe houses in the area for recuperation. What does this say about the government's intentions towards our group? That is unknown at this time. We were under the impression they had lessened their surveillance of our organization, but this blows that theory out of the water. We'll be sure to keep you informed, however! VIVA LES HAMSTERS!
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