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We draw our share of "different" people, eh? Visit Fan Mail Page 1-2-3-4-5-6 L McMillan wrote (1/00): I just wanted to know what kind of liberation you mean. Do you mean like, setting free all of the hamsters and other rodents from being housepets? Or do you mean like labs and those mean people who think it's cool to do science experiments on them? WHEN WILL THEY LEARN???? aarrgh! Anywho, please write back! L McMillan We believe in allowing rodents to choose their lives for themselves. If they want to remain in their cages (safe from predators), great. If they choose to assist mankind through science, we support that as well (although we do try to determine if they are still being coerced or if it is truly their own will). We do not condone scientific experiments on unwilling subjects. Personally, there are 16 rodents of various types who cohabitate with me; I let them have the run of my studio apartment and we treat each other with mutual respect. And, of course, the HLF HQ has hundreds of rodent guests at any given time, what with the Underground Rodent Railroad running right through the place, not to mention the undercover operatives who are there for this assignment or that. I hope this answers your question; if you have any further concerns or questions, please feel free to write again. Colby Ellerman wrote from his brother, Chavis', account (1/00): the animal rights please shove
your leaflets up your ass Thank you for your recent correspondence to the Hamster Liberation Front (HLF), in which you make a complete ass of yourself. I have been asked to respond; please allow me to respond to each of your points in turn. the animal rights please shove your leaflets up your ass In this line, you set the tone for the entire email; a brilliant strategy, I must admit. There is no mistaking your intent. I am, however, concerned; the HLF does not have any leaflets. Were we to employ your suggestion, we would first be forced to contract with a publishing company for leaflets. Truly, although I am sure you meant well by this statement, our revenues do not currently allow for us to follow your advice. i have my airgun out for the harry crishnas Ah, yes; to add to your wonderful grammar & capitalization skills, we now have evidence of your "unique" spelling skills. I'm sure the hari krishnas avoid your house these days! knock, knock god sent me on
this mission What is this? Evidence of rudimentary poetry? Note the repetitious onomatopoeia in both lines as well as the rhymes betwen "ring" and "sing" and then between "mission" and "patition" [sic], as well! Have we missed something in the previous lines? Ah, yes! I see it now: You've rhymed "ass" with "chrisnas" [sic]! Beautiful! That is a Beastie Boys' rhyme if I've ever seen one! Kudos to you! NO I think hampsters should be forced to smoke But then you throw us for a loop and insert a line which (A) has no connection to previous lines other than its general anti-animalness, and (B) has no evident rhyme. You're a tricky little poet, aren't you? so Im a cruel meat eating slob And now, the coup de grace! I am, truly, speechless after reading these lines. You deftly turn the poem around to discuss that of which you must be so interminably proud. Priceless. . . absolutely priceless. In conclusion, thank you for your wonderful email. You are the first person (today) not to understand the concept of satire. Bravo! I trust this answers your concerns. Should you have any further questions or comments, please feel free to keep them to yourself. Chavis Ellerman then wrote: I just wanted to set a couple things straight. I (Chavis Ellerman) did not write this email. My brother wrote it using my account. I happen to be a strong believer in Animal Rights so I also want to apollogize for his arrogance. I have told him not to send mail using my account anymore because I don't really want people that are fighting for the same thing as I am thinking I am there enemy. I just wanted to set that straight so my name doesn't get associated with this anymore. Ah! Thank you for the explanation. This is not the first time something like this has happened; we certainly understand the difficult position into which your brother has placed you and will remove your name from our Book of Grudges and replace it with your brother's. Again, thank you for the clarification. Then Colby Ellerman wrote: Hi Clinton Colby Ellerman. P.S. Would you like me to send you a copy of my new book"The Hamster cook book"????? By the way I did not write that stupid song some punk band did. plees kwit maken fun of mine GrAmars However, Colby neglected to delete Chavis' email to him, which we found very interesting, given how both Colby & Chavis declared Chavis was an animal rights supporter: Colby, if you are going to send email out harrassing animal rights people please use your excite account and not my mail account because it makes my name show up and i dont really want a bunch of animal rights people talking s**t to me about animal rights. Shanks. Ken Wigger wrote (1/00): I stopped by your website after seeing it in Yahoo Internet Life Jan 2000 edition. It made for a I really enjoyed my visit to your site! I liked how you had it laid out. pleasant visit! Ken Wigger Hey--thank you for the kind words. We sincerely appreciate that and are always looking to improve the site in any ways possible. Wait. . . we were in Yahoo Internet Life? Wow! Thanks for telling us this, too--now I'll have to go out and buy a copy of it!! It was cool !!! Page 178 with a picture of Hamstera dressed up like Che ! Very nice write up about 3 inch by 2 inch which was about a quarter of the page. Pretty damn cool !!! I bet you will be getting literally thousands of hits now !! (Unfortunately, we didn't receive word of this until after the January editions had been pulled from the newstands. . . .) One of our probationary members wrote (1/00): WHERE IS THE HEADQUARTERS? hOW DO YOU RAID? WHAT HLF ACTIVITIES? I NEVER HEARD OF THEM........... The HLF headquarters is in a secret location, known only to the full-fledged members of our group. Our raids? They are ongoing and continuous. Just pray you don't end up on the receiving end of one. . . . Jonathan Upton wrote (1/00): I completely support the HLF. What I don't understand, however, is how you can work to stop gerbiling while fighting the gerbil population itself. How does your organization deal with this conflict of interest? Dear Jonathan: I am a little confused; how exactly are we fighting the gerbil population? We support the gerbils wholeheartedly and are taking no actions against them; indeed, they provide a substantial part of the backbone of our organization. Please clarify your comment and let us know how you believe we are wronging the honorable gerbils. Mama Jo wrote (2/00): I learned about the Hamster Liberation Movement from my Yahoo Internet Life mag, so I thought I'd pay your site a visit. We adore our hamster, Angel Hair Pasta (Angel, for short), and shall return to your site again, when we have more time to look over everything. Thank you,
Mama Jo Well, thank you for your kind words. I know you are in the advice business (you and Dr. Hamster should talk sometime), but I wanted to let you know that if you ever have a question about Rodential Terrorism, you know where you can come to get your answers. Mama Jo then responded with: I can assure you, if the subject of Rodential Terrorism EVER comes up, I will email you. LOL! Thank you most sincerely, Mama Jo LLCJRM wrote (2/00): Your website is funny, weird, almost scary. Thanks! It's nice for our visitors to confirm that, yes, the website does match our membership. Thank you for visiting. If ever you need any rodents liberated, please let us know. marcgross wrote (2/00): So where are the cool shirts for me and my friends to spend our hard earned cash on? Actually, they are still in the design phase. Several of our members have submitted artwork for them and we are in the process of picking which artwork will grace each side of the t-shirts, in addition to deciding what color they should be (black works best for clandestine operations but, well, is sometimes so drab). We'll announce it on the site when we're ready to go retail, though--thanks for the interest! Update: We have created shirts for our members only so far, but have plans for a Che Hamstera shirt that should be out this fall for a limited time (due to limited funds). Please stay tuned! Pointme13 wrote (2/00): hey this site is cool it like the ideaof the hlf can i join We do accept applications from the public, which are then voted on by our members. You can find all of the instructions for applying on the Applications page of our site. Thank you for your kind words and your interest. LONG LIVE CHE HAMSTERA! "Jane Hunt" wrote (3/00): Hi there and thank you for all your great work you have done and are doing. I am a rodent fan, however, I only have rats no hamsters. I was searching for hamster pics on Yahoo using the word "hamster" to search with. I came across a disturbing heading for a mail newsgroup, I assume. The heading is Usenet - alt.sex.bestiality.hamster.duct-tape I do not know how you would link to this, however, it appears to be a suspicious site / newsgroup. What can be done to stop such terrible atrocities? Girbling, from what I understand is also what sex maniacs are doing to rats. How is such behaviour stopped and deemed illegal? It troubles me terribly. Kind regards from This communication contains information which is confidential and may also be privileged. It is for the exclusive use of the intended recipient(s). If you are not the intended recipient(s), please note that any distribution, copying or use of this communication or the information in it is strictly prohibited. If you have received this communication in error, please notify the sender immediately and then destroy any copies of it. Thank you for your attention to these matters; we are sure the investigation you performed was not easy and you have had nightmares ever since. We have had an agent surveying this newsgroup on a regular basis. He reports the majority of messages sent to the newsgroup is merely spam (and not very original spam at that), but he does report the names and email addresses of those people who actually profess to believe in deviant acts (such as the title suggests) to our Investigations Unit; trust me when I tell you that IU does not waste time when it comes to matters such as these. It is through people such as yourself by which we will bring about the Rodent Revolution. Thank you for your work, keep the faith, and VIVA LES HAMSTERS! --gair This communication contains information which is not so confidential and is definitely not privileged. It is for the exclusive use of the Hamster Liberation Front's visitor(s). If you are not visiting, please note that any distribution, copying or use of this communication or the information in it would be highly unlikely, although not necessarily unwelcome. If you have received this communication in error, please just attribute it to too much time on our hands and go have a cool drink of water. "Steve" <webmaster@beercanbob.com> wrote (3/00): Dear Hamster Guys, I found your web site on the Globe-Guadian links page. (They say our site will be featured there in April). I hope you have a chance to visit our site at: http://www.beercanbob.com (BTW, we're probably rated "PG-13") The "Beer Can Bob" web
site is a Humor web site too. In addition to some funny stories
and other content, the 1) Print the cartoon face of
"Bob" from our web site. We already have a picture of "Bob" taken in Japan. While our site is just getting started but we hope you will find enough there to recommend us to your friends and family. We have link buttons you can copy to your site if you want to link to us. Again, please visit us. We need creative funny people just like you to send us pictures. Dear "Steve" (if that is your real name; we suspect it isn't, but won't pass judgment on it quite yet): Thank you for your kind email. I am forwarding a copy of it to our membership in case they are interested in taking you up on your proposal. However, I must unfortunately decline any "official" HLF photo to be taken for your efforts; currently, several of our founding members are on some crucial covert operations (I can't be more specific; well, I can tell you that New York is involved, but, no, I've probably said too much now... just forget I mentioned either Guiliani or Hillary) and cannot afford to have their photos posted anywhere on the 'net (not to mention that they're on a plane right this second, but I didn't tell you that). I have, however, visited your site and found it to be everything you promised--and more. Keep up the good work. Frankly, we're counting on you to do your part in the War Against Gerbillers (WAG, for short). Be strong! Be courageous! Be furry! VIVA LES HAMSTERS! (Note from February 2001: Beer Can Bob's webmaster has kept us on their mailing list, emailing us from time to time to entreat us to participate in his site. Given our aims and goals, we just don't feel it's appropriate.) JenBob wrote (3/00): It's sad to see our government trying to infringe upon our basic human rights. It's even sadder to see them infringe upon those of a slightly weaker species and the group bound to protect them. I want you to know that if you EVER need my personal help, I will be there. Let them investigate and let them watch. We are fighting on the right side! The side of the RODENTS!!!
Jennifer Thank you for your kind words; we shall remember those who have been faithful to the cause. loyd coy wrote (3/00): i was hoping i could use your story about the government investigating the hlf for my ezine please contact me and tell me yes or no and how you would like to be credited. http://www.whiteskiesburning.com I've discussed this with my co-founder and we decided we'd like to continue to follow our past policy; we do not want to allow the use of our text/images for publication at this time. You are more than welcome to quote and/or refer to the site or any portion thereof, but please do not use the entire article. Thank you (for both asking permission and respecting our wishes). that's all good but could i ask why? We might be willing to contribute an original piece in the near future, should you so desire; heck, if you're featuring Amnesty International as your first issue's non-profit group of the month, that's pretty good company. Would you be interested in such a critter? yeah i would be interested. anyway thanxxx Update (6/00): The first issue has been published and is great; our article is featured in there (although we didn't put together an advertisement yet). Uhlfr wrote (4/00): We are watching you. C.A.R.B.O.N. knows where your true allegiance is. We made the hamster dance site go "on vacation," think about what else we can do. Uhlfr the mad Viking, C.A.R.B.O.N.
Internet Chief Well, since you apparently made your own website go "on vacation," too, please pardon us if we yawn. (You'd think a self-proclaimed internet chief would make sure his URL worked before posting it in a pseudo-threat. Sheesh.) Well, we ought to go easy on you, I guess; you subscribe to AOL, after all. Feel free to write us again when you get your site up and running. Errr oh the Green Cow must have edited our email... yeah thats it... the correct address for our site is http://carbon.iscool.net not .com. The Green Cow is deciving you and the rest of the rodent followers. Uhlfr, the mad Viking Well, we've looked at your site. Were we a more suspicious group of people, we'd say you "borrowed" our site format for your own use. . . however, we'll let it slide (for now). As to your philosophy and system of beliefs, we are not here to judge. We're especially not here to judge a group of wackos like yourselves who obviously have been smoking some of the Green Cow's chips. May you someday find the peace for which you search (and have yet to find). (BTW, we'll link to you on our site when we do our next update.) Andrew Hurdle wrote: Dear whoever it may concern, we have contacted you as we feel very strongly for your cause. We attend a school in Surrey, England we are part of an A level government and politics project in which our class forms various parties ( Conservative, Labour and Liberal Democrats) and we are standing as independents,and we would like you to send us some campaign properganda to support our fight. Any information would be greatly appreciated. Could you either Email me or preferably send any posters and informtion to <address deleted for your protection>. After we neglected to respond within a couple of days. . . We are still serious about
supporting your cause and would you send us any Sorry we haven't responded to your earlier email; we've been out of the office on a couple of minor raids in the countryside. While we do not have any posters at this time, we are willing to put together a treatise for you; tell us--what issues would you like us to address? If we were to run for an elected office, the following points would be contained within our platform: * Equality for rodents is foremost; nothing
is more important. That's good for a start; I'll forward a copy of this email to our members and see if they have any other suggestions for our platform. Member Jon Orion added this: Dear Andrew, one more point that should be included in your platform is to put small little doors to all your school buildings. Every once and awhile either I or another of our agents is called out to go investigate the "going ons" at various schools, (mostly in the biological and lab. rooms). To be quite frank about it, I get very tired of waiting for some human to open the door for me, and I worry about being stepped on. As an equal being on this planet we share, it seems only right that we have access to schools. They should be for our use to. How do you think I learned to dance, (type), on the keyboard to send you this message. Andrew Hurdle responded (5/00): We have a lecture to the school tommorow and someone says they know hat it means what does it mean, we need to know before we get anialted. According to Webster, a jihad is: (1) a holy war undertaken as a sacred duty
by Muslims; When we call for a "Gerbil Jihad," we have in mind the secondary meaning. Alright lads we come to you hot from the polling booth, after counting the votes it has been found that the HLF IS the peoples party. We took a comanding victory overall, suffering only a loss in two years. We would like to thank you for all the support u have shown us and wish u great luck with your fight against opression for all hamsters and small rodents. Yours greatfully Andy and Stuart. PS We would appereciate it if you could email us a victory speech which we shall read out to the school. Okay, we can whip up a speech for you here: "First of all, we would like to thank all of the rodents who have made this victory possible. Without their sacrifices and hard work, none of this could have ever happened. "Secondly, we thank Che Hamstera for his dedication to the freeing of rodents everywhere. "Finally, we thank all of you humans out there who showed your support in the voting booths and had the foresight and courage to speak the truth and show that the Hamster Liberation Front truly has the mandate of the people. "As we enter this new age and work together for rodential equal rights, we need to remember our comrats whose work proceeds us. At the same time, we need to keep our eyes on the future generations of hamsters, gerbils, and other small furry mammals and make this world better for them. "With your help, we can make this world truly safe for rodents and people together. Thank you and good day to you all." (Now you exit the stage with the "V for Victory" sign flashing high.) Thanks for spreading the word and congratulations! Janice Hurdle wrote (5/00): > Thank you, Janice, for your insightful commentary. I assure you we will follow up with your comments and implement all of your suggestions as soon as our budget allows. If you ever have any other words of wisdom for us, please do not hesitate to contact us immediately. Thanks! VIVA LES HAMSTERS! FaberMontag wrote (4/00): I SAY DOWN WITH THE ACHLA!!!!!!!!!!! Good luck with the FBI Che, I hear the feds are the worst! Member Baer shared the following email with our membership (6/00): This is odd, I got the following two messages and they are related to the HLF through the content of the second one (otherwise why would he say that). (Note that Juice Newton is listed on my top ten list site: http://web.utk.edu/~bwb/baer/baertopten.htm as my favorite female musician and her song Queen of Hearts is listed as my favorite all time song). Also, he sent the second message to me 2526 times. I have included the full headers. Please help me decide what I should do, especially considering the content of the second message. MESSAGE #1 atually IM lying you f*ckin suck
!!!!!! juice newton ? wtf are u a homo man MESSAGE #2 (Sent 2526 Times) may live gerbils roam our ass freely for all eternity !! Well, "Bob" was kind enough to provide us with his complete email address, ISP, and full headers, so we have reported him to his ISP--not for the annoying messages (you all must realize by now that we receive enough of those so that they don't bother us) but because of his mailbombing of Baer's account. Listen, people--it's fine that you don't like us (and, well, if "Bob" took the time to look up a site of someone he so adamantly hates, does that say something about us or does it say something about "Bob"?), but let's keep the harassment to a minimum. Thankfully, most of our visitors are kind, generous people who truly care for the Rodent Cause, but there are always a few bad cheese wheels. . . . Idiotdogqueen wrote (7/00): Are you responsible for the "Chew"
video??? Alas, we have not seen nor heard of this "Chew" video of which you speak; that usually doesn't prevent us from taking credit, but we will refrain from doing so this time. What have you heard of this video that would make you believe it could have come from our hallowed halls? NO RESPONSE!! Sara Ricci wrote (7/00): hi!! ciao Sara Bless you for your understanding; if there were more people in the world like you, we could take more vacations. As it is, we must remain ever vigilant. RODENTS (and Rodent Lovers) OF THE WORLD, UNITE!! Brittney Yost wrote (9/00): I got your websight on my computer
one day and because i love hamster's I looked it up,but im still
not sure if this sight is for real. I never thought hapster's
were in danger, I understand that that you are stand up for
hamster's but from what. I guess I would like some information on
what the big cover up is and what is really going on. Thanks for
all your help Dear Brittney: The Hamster Liberation Front (HLF) recognizes that most rodents in this world are oppressed. Not only do they have to contend with prejudice that is unbelievable (you harbor a few fleas that start a plague or two and the humans won't ever let you live it down), but they also face daily abuse in the workplace and even in social settings. The HLF was formed around one principle: Household Rodential Friends are our equals. We seek out and pursue those who would denigrate our beloved friends and take to task all who would oppose our goals. There is no coverup, really, other than the fact that the government refuses to admit they are conducting a clandestine war against us. We are facing sanctions and punishments because we bring to light the government's abuses and attacks upon our organization. We suspect the Gerbilers' Youth Association (GYA) lobbyists have bought key government officials and are seeking corroborating evidence even as I type this. What can you do? Recognize the inherent goodness and freedom of rodents around you. Embrace a hamster in loving equality. And always keep your eyes open for those who would step on our smaller friends. HectorJLK wrote: what's wrong with you people? Nothing; what's wrong with you? Thom Robinson wrote (9/00): Recently, I discovered your website, concerning the Hamster Liberation Front. I found it to be quite well-done, and I like the depth of material to be found there. It's very humorous. Anyway, my collegues and I have a website for our own organization, The International Society for the Prevention ofCruelty to Dyslexic Newborn Gerbils. It's a satirical site that in many ways runs along similar comedic lines as your own site (and both organizations are concerned for the sake and wellness of rodentia). We'd love to provide a link to your site, provided you'd link to ours. Here is a copy of our latest newsletter, recently sent out to nearly 3000 subscribers. Check out our website, and send us an e-mail telling us what you think, and whether or not you'd like to mutually link to each other's sites. And, above all, don't forget to JOIN!!!! Sincerely, -Thom G. Robinson Thank you for your email. Your site is very interesting. I'm afraid we cannot join your organization at this time (conflict of interest); however, we will place a link on our site to yours (and, of course, would appreciate a reciprocal one, as well). Thank you and Che Bless. Visit Fan Mail Page 1-2-3-4-5-6
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