Membership Roster & Biographies

Name: gair

Titles: Co-Founder, CEO, and Webmaster

Known Aliases: Bones, SuperFly, LL Cool G, Tulips, Grover, Beaker, SD Willie.

Age: Over 30 & under 90.

GenXer?: Hell, no.

Favorite Pastime: Gaming.

Least Favorite Pastime: Chat Rooms.

Birthplace: Walla Walla, Washington.

Education: Ph.D. in American Literature, concentrating on the poems of Stephen Crane.

Alma Mater: The Evergreen State College, Olympia, Washington.

Last Summer's Vacation Itinerary: Went to Buffalo to investigate claims of rodent abuse. Brief scuffle with anti-activists on June 22. Tracked evil genius to lair on June 23. Captured by evil genius on June 24. Seduced Igora, the evil genius' beautiful lab assistant, who released gair on June 25. Defeated evil genius in a game of Clayorama, winner takes world, on June 26. Flew back to HLF HQ on June 27.

Next Summer's Vacation Itinerary: Visit Disneyland. Free Mickey and Minnie from their enslavement.

Ambitions: To spread the gospel of Hamsterdom across the world, until everyone finally realizes our salvation lies only in ridding ourselves of the treadmills on which we have been placed.

Contact:  HLF@HamsterLiberationFront.com

Name:  Damond X

Titles: Co-Founder and Spiritual Commissar

Known Aliases:  Chuck, Sheik Ajaiel ibn al Sodoff, Hey You, "That's him, Officer!," #011001101, Mister Maroon, The Minister of Pain and Also Pleasure, and Jennifer (but only when he's in the mood for lace).

Age:  She said she was eighteen, Officer!

GenXer?:  He always wanted a pair of Doc's and now they sell them at Wal-Mart!

Favorite Pastime:  A bottle of Merlot, a beautiful woman, and a jar of Nutella.

Least Favorite Pastime:  Licking toilet rims in seedy bars during cholera epidemics.

Birthplace:  Paducah, Kentucky.

Education and Achievements:
    Honorable Ph.D., U.C. Berkeley, Applied Political Theory
    M.A., Kundalini Yoga Theory,
                Guru Mahiki Jandi's Academy of Erotic Arts and Sciences
    B.A., Anthropology, Western Washington University
    Silver Swimming Certificate, Municipal Pool

Last Summer's Vacation Itinerary:
    August 17:  Keynote speaker at Million Rodent March
    August 18:  Shopping and sightseeing
    August 19:  Facilitator and lecturer, The Empowerment Series,
                        "Molotov Cocktails:  Tools of Empowerment"
    August 20 through July 7:  "I know I started at the hotel bar drinking tequila,
                        but after that it's a blank until I woke up at the petting zoo."

Ambition:  "To tell the world that GERBILING IS MURDER, to drink good wine (if I can afford it) and eat good food in the presence of good friends, to destroy the Emperor of mankind, and answer the koan, Does a Dan have Buddha nature?"

Contact:  Unlisted--why do you want to know???

Name:  Myqui

Please note: Myqui has retired from the HLF with full honors. He remains in our company for consultation purposes only, but will no longer participate on raids. We wish him the best as he enjoys his retirement, thank him for his years of dedicated service, and assure him he is welcome to come out of retirement if he ever gets too bored with such a quiet life.

Known Aliases:  Myq, Myqui, Der Stichner, "Hey, pinhead!"

Age:  Positive, non-zero integer roughly equivalent to (2^64/3^39)+7*3.14159.

GenXer:  No, but thanks for playing.

Favorite Pastime:  Computer gaming.

Least Favorite Pastime:  Shaving angry mandrills.

Birthplace:  Alburquer... uh, Albaqer... uhm Albuquerque?

Education:  10 years of higher education and counting. Degree? No, thanks.

Employment:  Fluctuates.

Last Summer's Vacation:  Vacation? Vacation... hmmm... got one weekend off work.  Slept.

Ambition:  Be rich and lazy. ("Hey, I'm already 50% of the way there!  YYYEESSS!!") Also would like to rid the world of rodent-spanking freaks.  And force more people to watch "Black Adder" on video tape.

Contact:  <<Unpublished>>

Name:  Bobby

Title: The Duke of Suede

Known Aliases:  Bobster, Jack, O’ Captain my Captain, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

Age:  Depends on which clone you ask.

GenXer?:  Great Comic Book!

Favorite Pastime:  Gaming, enjoying Sci-fi media, and terrorizing 13-year-old kids by impersonating a teacher.

Least Favorite Pastimes:  Eating, sleeping, and all other necessary bodily functions.

Birthplace:  Tacoma, WA.

Education:  After being kicked out of UPS law school for his subversive ideology, Bobby moved to a small state university where he could work on his diabolical plans without interference.  He was only one of many at WWU with this intention.

Last Summer's Vacation Itinerary:  Built a refuge for abused rodents in the lush forest of Gig Harbor.  Trekked to Southern California to do battle with Rodent hating Administrative EdNazis; succeed after a lengthy legal battle. (Those failed years at UPS were not in vain). Set up HLF base of operations for the Greater LA region. (Richard Gere, watch out.  We’re in your backyard, waiting for you to make another mistake).

Next Summer's Vacation Itinerary: Build new base of operations in Las Vegas. (Rumors of Rodent abuse in the City of Sin abound).

Ambitions:  To spend the next several years warping young minds to prepare for the eventual rise of the HLF to national political status.  By creating dumber kids we can more easily control the world.  Education is the place to start.

Contact:   karowack@earthlink.net

Name: Baer

Title: "Director of Internal Investigations" and "Elections Monitor"

Known Aliases: Conrad42

Age: Mid-20s

GenXer?: No way hozay!

Favorite Pastime: Gaming

Least Favorite Pastime: Waiting in line for food at restaurants

Birthplace: Knoxville, TN

Education: BA in English Writing

Alma Mater: University of Tennessee, Knoxville

Last Summer's Vacation Itinerary: Jamaican honeymoon.

Next Summer's Vacation Itinerary: Dream about going back to Jamiaca someday.

Ambitions: Get a better job, kids.

Contact:  http://www.bethnbaer.com

Name: Mother Love

Title: HLF Sister

Known Aliases: Mistress Felitia, Big Hot Mama, That Bitch That Stomped on My Heart, Judy Weitzenheimer

Age: 27

GenXer?: I am open to all generations. No favorites here.

Favorite Pastime: Prowling the back alleys of Fleshing, New York, in my wet, black vinyl rain slicker, searching for poets wearing berets and psychotics torturing rodents.

Least Favorite Pastime: Wearing gingham dresses and high heels while cooking macaroni and weenies in a formica kitchen for my wage-earnin' husband. (Actually, I have never done this, but I sure wouldn't like it!)

Birthplace: I rose from the frothy sea on the back of a giant tortoise.

Education: St. Maria's Catholic Prep School of Fleshing, New York; New York City Art College (dropped out); Rhode Island School of Diesel Mechanics; Mistress Theodora's School of Dominatricism and Oriental Cuisine.

Alma Mater: The mean streets of America.

Last Summer's Vacation Itinerary: A grand tour of the eastern seaboard, passing out spatulas engraved with the motto, "STOP ROAD KILL."

Next Summer's Vacation Itinerary: A pilgrimage to the temple of Che Hamstera in order to lay an offering of sunflower seeds and wood chips in order to pay homage to the greatest rodent of all time!

Ambitions: To rid the streets of all establishments which exploit rodents and rodent-kind through public displays of ridicule, torture, and/or decapitation. (Yes, these sorts of places are REAL! Did you think that Ozzie Osborn was alone in his infernal habit of biting the heads off of rodents? -- OK, so bats aren't rodents, but his demoniac action was merely a highly publicized example of the fiendish habits of some of humanity's most barbarous members, who tend to gather in underground, urban locations.)

Contact: bluemoonmama@hotmail.com

Names: Jon and Hammy

Titles: Terrorist at Large and Terrorist at Small

Known Aliases: (Jon)-Jonny Onion, Honey Bunny, Don't Play with That, Quit Touching Me.
(Hammy)-Hammy the Hammer, Snoop Hammy Ham, It's the Red Wire.

Ages: (Jon)-Old enough to have been a member of the american deserters committee and meet Angela Davis on the court house steps, and get free food from the S.L.A.(47).
(Hammy)-1yr.

GenXers?: (Jon)-No; fiancee is.
(Hammy)-Might be; won't say.

Favorite Pastimes: (Jon)-Road trips, camping, and pretending I have a life.
(Hammy)-Placing pressure-trigger devices under the driver's seat of lab assistants at the animal testing facility and cruising for chic hamsters.

Least Favorite Pastimes: (Jon)-Temporary work at the artificial insemination plant, holding the tube under the fake cow.
(Hammy)=Yeah, me, too.

Birthplaces: (Jon)-San Francisco.
(Hammy)-Syria.

Education: (Jon)-What's education? Did i miss something?
(Hammy)-Honorary degree in Terrorism from Quanico, VA.

Alma Mater: (Jon)-Cupertino High.
(Hammy)-FBI Academy, Quanico.

Employment: (Jon)-Family practice nurse
(Hammy)-House hamster.

Last Summer's Vacation Itinerary: (Jon)-Hitchhiked to Honolulu, learned to swim, studied costal currents, and drank a lot.
(Hammy)-Kidnapped a rich cat, met FBI agents, and did a Val Kilmer "The Saint" disappearing act.

Next Summer's Vacation Itinerary: (Jon)-European trip--London, Paris, and Rome. Establish underground railroad for rodents leaving the war-torn collapse of old Russia.
(Hammy)-Make sure Jon doesn't goof it up.

Ambitions: (Jon)-Study zen to have a reason to not do anything and start a microbrewery.
(Hammy)-Nothing less than total world domination, enslave lab workers, and extort the government for hundreds of dollars.

Contact:  <<UNLISTED>>

Name: badger101uk

Known Aliases: The Great Badger, Badger the Great; Queen Badger; comradeevilpixie; Supreme Hamster Dictator; Judge Hamster; Ceridwen ach Eryi

Age: It's down on my Yahoo! profile as 700, so that's okay with me.

GenXer?: Actually, I'm a BadgXer.

Favourite Pastimes: Frolicking in the fields during the lovely English summer, and breaking into pet stores to release the rodents. When occupying my alter ego, I have a website: www.frodobagginsatemyhamster.com. It's due an update because I had a destructive phase... 

Least Favourite Pastime: I don't have to do anything I don't want to do! Except for stupid Windows XP service pack updates. Goodness me, but if they aren't the epitome of hateful evil and tediousness... then I'm a stripey squirrel.

Birthplace: South Shields, Tyne + Wear, UK.

Education: Surprisingly for a badger, I have a BA honours degree in Popular Music and Recording, which involved a great emphasis on reading popular culture.

Employment: I am BADGER!! My work is my life, and my life is dedicated to the saving of rodents! *coughs*

Last Summer's Vacation Itinerary: Took the Glastonbury Festival by storm, and liberated several rabbits from the evils of festival going fruit loops.

Next Summer's Vacation Itinerary: Return to Glastonbury to continue my good work in preventing disturbances of rabbits and other small furry creatures.

Ambitions: To free as many rodents as possible, using all my badger resources; also, to put a stop to the evil culling of badgers to save cattle from catching TB. Cattle, which are now all being murdered by farmers anyway due to Foot-and-Mouth disease...IT MAKES ME MAD!!! That, and I'm due to take over the world using boxes any time now.

Contact: ceridwen_ach_eryi@yahoo.co.uk

Name: Brother Inkworm

Titles: Subversive Art Director

Known Aliases: Inky, Plankton, Oi You, that guy what draws

Age: Somewhere in the 20’s

GenXer?: Is that some kinda games console?

Favorite Pastime: Image generation and watching Leicester Tigers play.

Least Favorite Pastime: looking for work.

Birthplace: A small burrow in Somerset (England).

Education: Not likely, Ok, a degree in Fine Art/History of Art focusing on the revolutionary work of Che.

Alma Mater: Some arty college.

Last Summer's Vacation Itinerary: Warmth, sun, beer, a pencil and some plain paper.

Next Summer's Vacation Itinerary: See last summer.

Ambitions: To have the images of our worthy cause on every single computer, billboard, bumper. Oh and to make enough from this cause to not worry about rent.

Contact:  inky@inkworm.co.uk

The Hamster Liberation Front
http://www.HamsterLiberationFront.com
"The World's Premiere Rodent Revolutionaries" (tm)